I'm already broke this month. I have spent all my pay and my F1 pay in just two weeks. I can't even remember what i bought. The only thing that i can remember was, i bought two books this month. Other than that, i totally forgot. I am so dissapointed with myself. I can't even save my money. But there's just so many things to buy, so little money. Mum always told me not to say this, "Jangan selalu cakap tak ada duit, nanti Tuhan betul-betul makbul kan." What not, she said that every word that comes out of our mouth is a prayer. I've been trying to tell myself that i should be thankful with what i have and not ask for more. Eversince i got my pay and the green packets which i got during Hari Raya, i haven't been asking for pocket money from my mum except last Friday. I was too desperate and i couldn't possibly go around and ask from people money right? Hahaha.

Anyway, i have been trying to indulge on nice foods for the past few days. Reason being, i wanna gain weight. People kept saying that i looked thin and my bones are like coming out. And i hate it okay. But its weird how i ate so much but i don't know where does all the food went to. Very weird. And its of no use if i eat a lot today, but tomorrow, my weight goes back to square one. Yea, some envy how i ate so much but i am not growing. I will grow but maybe after i get married? Who knows. That's what i'm afraid of right now. You may say i looked thin but you don't wanna know how heavy my fats are. It looks horrible. Hidayat said, i'm boncet. Whatever eh awak. Hahaha. Look whose talking. But i can lose those fats by doing sit ups right? So what's the big deal? Hahaha.

Next year, during the Chinese New Year holiday, dad plan to go for a holiday at Port Dickson. Worst part of all, with my dad's side. It'll be very weird cos i am not close to them. We only meet once a year and now we're going for a holiday together. And i will have to meet my belardy cousin who talks about me behind my back to my girlfriend. Aku masih ingat apa kau cakap pasal aku okay? It was very rude of you. Cermin diri kau dulu sebelum kau cakap pasal aku. Faham? The sight of him makes me wanna throw up. I feel like staying here and i thought of not going cos i don't wanna see his face. I will feel awkward too. I'm still deciding whether to go or not to go. Anyway, i need some retail therapy soon. End of the month please. And i need a break from school too. I cannot tahan anymore! Nevermind. I shall endure a bit more. I got to go now. Update more soon. And Hidayat, meet up soon can? I miss you. (: